Words: 2,946
Time: 10:15 - 1:15pm
Mood: upbeat
Impression: Pretty good
I wrote a lot of words today. I basically did 2 days worth of words in one day. It's amazing how some days are painfully slow while other fly by.
I think today flew by because I was writing the first action scene in the book. I think that the action was good. Although I might have hit a new moral low as I combined sex, violence and humor into one scene.
Essentially, what happened in the story is the main character is "laying his samurai sword down" upon a ZILF (Zombie I'd Like to Fuck) when he realizes that one of her nipples are showing. And in the middle of everything he keeps trying to sneak a peek at her exposed nipple because all things considered the zombie is pretty hot. So he precedes to dismember her while treating her like a brainless sex object.
Yes, yes, I know. There's clearly something wrong with me. I think we have already established that fact.
I did write something today that doesn't embarrass me though. I don't think at my main character can be considered a douche anymore. It turns out he has deep emotions and that he feels things. Those feels may not transfer across to his treatment of women, but at least I established that he's a character worth following.
Now as for me and my birthday revelations. I think that I'm going to try the drugs. Why not? What do I have to lose? I think that it makes it easy for me to make that choice knowing the my genetic makeup. I was never really judgemental about people who took drugs before. But I definitely considered it a flaw in their character. But what I failed to consider before was that we are not all uniformly made.
Knowing my genetic make-up has finally taught me that short of spending a lot of my day in meditation, there is nothing I could do to experience the same things that almost everyone else in the world experiences. I can barely exercise more than I already do. I could hardly eat healthier than I do. And there are no supplements on the market that will get me there (and on this topic, believe me, I have tried them all).
So there might be an evolutionary purpose for our genetic differences, but there was also an evolutionary purpose for premature babies dying at birth. Yet we don't think anything about saving their life. So yes, we were designed as a species so that some of us love too little and others love too much. We were designed so that some lived to age 14 and some to age 100. And as a species we were designed to be able to use our knowledge to overcome our design. Well, I'm using that option and seeing where it takes me.
Showing posts with label cristian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cristian. Show all posts
Monday, November 22, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Hello Darkness My Old Friend, I've come to Blog with You Again
Words: 2,647
Time: 10:30-1pm & 1:30-2:30
Mood: Dark and Horrible
Impression: Better than the last thing I wrote
Ok, so I haven't written in a week. Not so much my fault as it was the strep throat that I supposedly had and the fact that I am partnering with a reality show writer and he needed me to do a lot of work for that project. That took the entire week.
Now me. I have to say that I am in the darkest mood imaginable. The things that go though my mind would amaze people. Generally speaking I am very likable, but damn I am one dark M.F. How much I wish I could just disappear. That is always my fantasy. I wish that I could be here one moment and never have existed the next. I feel like my life is a continuous chase for highs. Be it supplements, be it racquetball, be it sex, I just go from one high to the next. And now that I'm celibate I really only have 2 options. Hello darkness my old friend. I've come to talk to you again.
Anyway, enough about me. If you're reading this you are probably more interested in the book and how it's coming. It was both fortunate and unfortunate that I had that week from writing. The fortunate part was that it gave me time to realize what was wrong with what I wrote and gave me time to fix it. The unfortunate part was that I had to live with the idea for a week that I was a sucky writer. I actually considered stopping writing this book. But alas, I continued.
The problem turned out to be easy to fix once I put my mind to it. It was just a matter of getting the time to think about and then write it. Really, what I wrote was crap. It was worse than crap. It was the crap that my crap crapped out on the crapper. Ugg. It pains me to think that I would ever even type such shit.
Well, I corrected it by making the main character not from a wealthy family and by allow the douche to show a brief moment of compassion. I don't know if it's good, but it's better than what I wrote before. Ya know, I don't know if I'm in the write frame of mind to write this book. I sometimes fantasize about reaching my hand into my imaginary character's chest and ripping out his heart. But then I think, use that feeling. Express it with my words. And usually it's about there that I wish I was a better writer.
You know what, I think that I just decided that I am going to do horrible things to my main character. I have just decided that I am going to take out every angry feeling I have about anything and place it towards him. I am going to destroy his life and bring him crying to his knees. I wonder if that would make me feel better. The way i see it, that is the arc of the character anyway. I will just shred him apart with pleasure instead of necessity.
You know I have to stop and ask myself why I hate this main character so. Again I ask, am I the zombie hunter that I'm writing about. Well that can't be it, because as anyone that knows me will tell you, I love myself to a very unhealthy amount. Hmmm... I wonder if I should go back to therapy?
I think that it is probably a bad idea that I have written this entry so late at night. It gives me the freedom to write things that i will probably regret having written. I played racquetball right after I finished writing so I didn't get a chance then.
Well, clearly I am in a truly shitty mood. But at least tomorrow I am going to get to do one of my favorite things, take my shirt of on TV while hanging out with hot women in bikinis. Yay for me. I will be a pool goer on the TV show The Defenders. I'm sure that will cheer me up. Boobs. Bikinis. Celibacy. Crap!
Time: 10:30-1pm & 1:30-2:30
Mood: Dark and Horrible
Impression: Better than the last thing I wrote
Ok, so I haven't written in a week. Not so much my fault as it was the strep throat that I supposedly had and the fact that I am partnering with a reality show writer and he needed me to do a lot of work for that project. That took the entire week.
Now me. I have to say that I am in the darkest mood imaginable. The things that go though my mind would amaze people. Generally speaking I am very likable, but damn I am one dark M.F. How much I wish I could just disappear. That is always my fantasy. I wish that I could be here one moment and never have existed the next. I feel like my life is a continuous chase for highs. Be it supplements, be it racquetball, be it sex, I just go from one high to the next. And now that I'm celibate I really only have 2 options. Hello darkness my old friend. I've come to talk to you again.
Anyway, enough about me. If you're reading this you are probably more interested in the book and how it's coming. It was both fortunate and unfortunate that I had that week from writing. The fortunate part was that it gave me time to realize what was wrong with what I wrote and gave me time to fix it. The unfortunate part was that I had to live with the idea for a week that I was a sucky writer. I actually considered stopping writing this book. But alas, I continued.
The problem turned out to be easy to fix once I put my mind to it. It was just a matter of getting the time to think about and then write it. Really, what I wrote was crap. It was worse than crap. It was the crap that my crap crapped out on the crapper. Ugg. It pains me to think that I would ever even type such shit.
Well, I corrected it by making the main character not from a wealthy family and by allow the douche to show a brief moment of compassion. I don't know if it's good, but it's better than what I wrote before. Ya know, I don't know if I'm in the write frame of mind to write this book. I sometimes fantasize about reaching my hand into my imaginary character's chest and ripping out his heart. But then I think, use that feeling. Express it with my words. And usually it's about there that I wish I was a better writer.
You know what, I think that I just decided that I am going to do horrible things to my main character. I have just decided that I am going to take out every angry feeling I have about anything and place it towards him. I am going to destroy his life and bring him crying to his knees. I wonder if that would make me feel better. The way i see it, that is the arc of the character anyway. I will just shred him apart with pleasure instead of necessity.
You know I have to stop and ask myself why I hate this main character so. Again I ask, am I the zombie hunter that I'm writing about. Well that can't be it, because as anyone that knows me will tell you, I love myself to a very unhealthy amount. Hmmm... I wonder if I should go back to therapy?
I think that it is probably a bad idea that I have written this entry so late at night. It gives me the freedom to write things that i will probably regret having written. I played racquetball right after I finished writing so I didn't get a chance then.
Well, clearly I am in a truly shitty mood. But at least tomorrow I am going to get to do one of my favorite things, take my shirt of on TV while hanging out with hot women in bikinis. Yay for me. I will be a pool goer on the TV show The Defenders. I'm sure that will cheer me up. Boobs. Bikinis. Celibacy. Crap!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Not a Happy Day
Words: 2004
Time: 9:45 - 12:15pm
Mood: Down
Impression: Not sure if I like it
So I didn't write this weekend because I didn't know what I would write. I don't know how other novelist write, but I spend either the night before or the morning of thinking about exactly what I'm going to write that day. And once I have a jumping off point and all of the major events, I think some about the details of what the characters will say.
I couldn't get myself to sit down and do that this weekend. Plus I had errands like laundry that I had to do. On Saturday I went to a Halloween party and learned just how much this celibacy is affecting me. I got some alcohol in me and couldn't stop talking about it. It makes sense since I can't stop thinking about it normally. But I also noticed that dressed in as little clothing for the Halloween party as I could without be inappropriate. I tell you that this is really affecting my mind.
Today the writing was all back story about the 3 characters that will end up being the main focuses of the book. Like any great hero story, all the major players start off playing for one team. Something happens and then they are on polar opposite sides. Today I was writing about the time when they were together.
I'm not sure if I like what I wrote today. It feels a little hokey. The psychological back story that I created for each of them is solid, but I don't know if it was executed well. Maybe what it is is that I think that 2 of the 3 main characters are idiots... and not in the fun way. The arc of the story is them maturing so I am letting it go.
Anyway, it's now 12:45 and I'm done for the day. I'm not sure what to do with my time. I'm too worn to play racquetball, and I don't really have anything that I have to do. This is a bad combination for me.
And btw, the article that I mentioned the last time appeared in TheDailyBeast on Saturday. Here is the link.
Later.
Time: 9:45 - 12:15pm
Mood: Down
Impression: Not sure if I like it
So I didn't write this weekend because I didn't know what I would write. I don't know how other novelist write, but I spend either the night before or the morning of thinking about exactly what I'm going to write that day. And once I have a jumping off point and all of the major events, I think some about the details of what the characters will say.
I couldn't get myself to sit down and do that this weekend. Plus I had errands like laundry that I had to do. On Saturday I went to a Halloween party and learned just how much this celibacy is affecting me. I got some alcohol in me and couldn't stop talking about it. It makes sense since I can't stop thinking about it normally. But I also noticed that dressed in as little clothing for the Halloween party as I could without be inappropriate. I tell you that this is really affecting my mind.
Today the writing was all back story about the 3 characters that will end up being the main focuses of the book. Like any great hero story, all the major players start off playing for one team. Something happens and then they are on polar opposite sides. Today I was writing about the time when they were together.
I'm not sure if I like what I wrote today. It feels a little hokey. The psychological back story that I created for each of them is solid, but I don't know if it was executed well. Maybe what it is is that I think that 2 of the 3 main characters are idiots... and not in the fun way. The arc of the story is them maturing so I am letting it go.
Anyway, it's now 12:45 and I'm done for the day. I'm not sure what to do with my time. I'm too worn to play racquetball, and I don't really have anything that I have to do. This is a bad combination for me.
And btw, the article that I mentioned the last time appeared in TheDailyBeast on Saturday. Here is the link.
Later.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Am I the Zombie hunter I'm writing about?
Words: 1,937
Time: 10:15 - 11:30 & 12:30 - 1:30
Mood: Contemplative
Impression: It's good, but not necessarily funny
Ok, so I've written for a second day, so I guess it's official, I'm writing this thing.
Yesterday I wrote in the morning and then worked on the TV show Bones in the afternoon. I work as a "background actor" on TV shows now. And I have long said that Bones has the greatest proportion of attractive actresses on it. I am willing to up that statement after doing the show for the second time. Bones has the most attractive woman in TV working on it. Tamara, the actress that plays Cam is as beautiful in person as on TV. She is just straight out beautiful.
But I don't enjoy working background because of the attractiveness of the main actors. I work it because of the attractiveness of the background actress. For that Bones falls way behind, the show 'How I Met Your Mother', 'CSI New York' and 'Love Bites'. Those shows had so many beautiful women on it that it was just great. More on that later.
What I wrote today was the background on the world. I understand a little bit more about the story now. My experience has been that I discover the story as I write. And what this story is about is a world in the beginning stages of a world wide health issue. It is the beginning stages of a pandemic. So while world governments try to figure out how to deal with the law abiding infected, pockets of vigilantes zombie hunters have broken out in all of the major cities. And to this the governments in these areas have turned a blind eye. This is the world in which the story takes place. Interesting right? I think so.
Now about me. I couldn't sleep last night. Usually at night I spend about an hour working out the details of what I will be writing the next day. Last night I accidentally allowed my highly active mind to start focusing on why it is that this is my third novel about a desperately lonely and isolated character. I know the obvious answer to the question. But that can't be all of it, because I am also the person that wears a wedding ring on both hands. One would think that if I were really that desperately lonely character that I keep writing about, I wouldn't be making an effort to get people to look away when checking me out.
And also last night on the active mind's agenda was whether or not I am the main characters of all of my books. One character is a psychic who dies and finds himself in an unexpected afterlife. Another is a retail manager that has to deal with his mentally and verbally abusive penis. And the Third is a zombie that hunts his own kind. Could all of these characters be me? No, right? But yet in the deepest part of my heart I understand these characters. These aren't just people that I've seen or met somewhere, I know how these people act and feel. There has got to be a least a part of me in them.
Anyway, that is what kept me up last night. Hopefully I will be working tomorrow. But if I'm not, I will be writing and posting again.
Time: 10:15 - 11:30 & 12:30 - 1:30
Mood: Contemplative
Impression: It's good, but not necessarily funny
Ok, so I've written for a second day, so I guess it's official, I'm writing this thing.
Yesterday I wrote in the morning and then worked on the TV show Bones in the afternoon. I work as a "background actor" on TV shows now. And I have long said that Bones has the greatest proportion of attractive actresses on it. I am willing to up that statement after doing the show for the second time. Bones has the most attractive woman in TV working on it. Tamara, the actress that plays Cam is as beautiful in person as on TV. She is just straight out beautiful.
But I don't enjoy working background because of the attractiveness of the main actors. I work it because of the attractiveness of the background actress. For that Bones falls way behind, the show 'How I Met Your Mother', 'CSI New York' and 'Love Bites'. Those shows had so many beautiful women on it that it was just great. More on that later.
What I wrote today was the background on the world. I understand a little bit more about the story now. My experience has been that I discover the story as I write. And what this story is about is a world in the beginning stages of a world wide health issue. It is the beginning stages of a pandemic. So while world governments try to figure out how to deal with the law abiding infected, pockets of vigilantes zombie hunters have broken out in all of the major cities. And to this the governments in these areas have turned a blind eye. This is the world in which the story takes place. Interesting right? I think so.
Now about me. I couldn't sleep last night. Usually at night I spend about an hour working out the details of what I will be writing the next day. Last night I accidentally allowed my highly active mind to start focusing on why it is that this is my third novel about a desperately lonely and isolated character. I know the obvious answer to the question. But that can't be all of it, because I am also the person that wears a wedding ring on both hands. One would think that if I were really that desperately lonely character that I keep writing about, I wouldn't be making an effort to get people to look away when checking me out.
And also last night on the active mind's agenda was whether or not I am the main characters of all of my books. One character is a psychic who dies and finds himself in an unexpected afterlife. Another is a retail manager that has to deal with his mentally and verbally abusive penis. And the Third is a zombie that hunts his own kind. Could all of these characters be me? No, right? But yet in the deepest part of my heart I understand these characters. These aren't just people that I've seen or met somewhere, I know how these people act and feel. There has got to be a least a part of me in them.
Anyway, that is what kept me up last night. Hopefully I will be working tomorrow. But if I'm not, I will be writing and posting again.
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