Time: 10:30-1pm & 1:30-2:30
Mood: Dark and Horrible
Impression: Better than the last thing I wrote
Ok, so I haven't written in a week. Not so much my fault as it was the strep throat that I supposedly had and the fact that I am partnering with a reality show writer and he needed me to do a lot of work for that project. That took the entire week.
Now me. I have to say that I am in the darkest mood imaginable. The things that go though my mind would amaze people. Generally speaking I am very likable, but damn I am one dark M.F. How much I wish I could just disappear. That is always my fantasy. I wish that I could be here one moment and never have existed the next. I feel like my life is a continuous chase for highs. Be it supplements, be it racquetball, be it sex, I just go from one high to the next. And now that I'm celibate I really only have 2 options. Hello darkness my old friend. I've come to talk to you again.
Anyway, enough about me. If you're reading this you are probably more interested in the book and how it's coming. It was both fortunate and unfortunate that I had that week from writing. The fortunate part was that it gave me time to realize what was wrong with what I wrote and gave me time to fix it. The unfortunate part was that I had to live with the idea for a week that I was a sucky writer. I actually considered stopping writing this book. But alas, I continued.
The problem turned out to be easy to fix once I put my mind to it. It was just a matter of getting the time to think about and then write it. Really, what I wrote was crap. It was worse than crap. It was the crap that my crap crapped out on the crapper. Ugg. It pains me to think that I would ever even type such shit.
Well, I corrected it by making the main character not from a wealthy family and by allow the douche to show a brief moment of compassion. I don't know if it's good, but it's better than what I wrote before. Ya know, I don't know if I'm in the write frame of mind to write this book. I sometimes fantasize about reaching my hand into my imaginary character's chest and ripping out his heart. But then I think, use that feeling. Express it with my words. And usually it's about there that I wish I was a better writer.
You know what, I think that I just decided that I am going to do horrible things to my main character. I have just decided that I am going to take out every angry feeling I have about anything and place it towards him. I am going to destroy his life and bring him crying to his knees. I wonder if that would make me feel better. The way i see it, that is the arc of the character anyway. I will just shred him apart with pleasure instead of necessity.
You know I have to stop and ask myself why I hate this main character so. Again I ask, am I the zombie hunter that I'm writing about. Well that can't be it, because as anyone that knows me will tell you, I love myself to a very unhealthy amount. Hmmm... I wonder if I should go back to therapy?
I think that it is probably a bad idea that I have written this entry so late at night. It gives me the freedom to write things that i will probably regret having written. I played racquetball right after I finished writing so I didn't get a chance then.
Well, clearly I am in a truly shitty mood. But at least tomorrow I am going to get to do one of my favorite things, take my shirt of on TV while hanging out with hot women in bikinis. Yay for me. I will be a pool goer on the TV show The Defenders. I'm sure that will cheer me up. Boobs. Bikinis. Celibacy. Crap!